Boyfriends Tells His Partner That if It Wasn’t For Her He Would’ve Married His Best Friend: ‘This song reminds me of * insert best friend’s name . If you were not in the picture, I would have ended up marrying her’

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Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Nov 14, 2026 7:45 PM EST

Something doesn't automatically become funny just because you say it's a joke

There is a fine line between having a sense of humor and saying something cruel and then reframing it as a joke so people believe it's not real.

Sometimes, making a joke is a convenient way to say something problematic and not fully own it. If the other person gets offended, the joker can always hide behind the excuse that they weren't being serious. If the other person laughs, the comment passes as humor, and nobody notices its real, often subconscious, intentions.

I didn't invent this theory; Sigmund Freud did, but he didn't mean every joke was a disguised confession, or that every nasty remark reveals something dark about the speaker's consciousness. Let's not use this knowledge to assume jokes reveal the utmost truth about everybody, but next time a joke sounds a little too aggressive, or a little too suspicious, let's keep this theory in mind.

I'm sure the internet can provide you with much more depth than I can, and you can go and read Freud's original texts. Hey, I'm just a messenger.

Still, knowing that not every joke disguises a confession, psychoanalysis invites us to ask when someone repeatedly uses humor to communicate hurtful things, and what role humor plays in that communication. Does it relieve the speaker of the discomfort of having to say something like that seriously?

All in all, a healthy relationship should leave room for humor, playfulness, and sometimes even a questionable joke; we don't have to get overly analytical, but is it fair to be a little more mindful of this?

Ultimately, the question isn't whether someone is allowed to joke about something like this, but whether they can take responsibility if the remark hurt us in any way.

The joke stops being funny when it's made at somebody else's expense, and nobody seems to take responsibility for it just because 'it's a joke'.

How a joke makes you feel matters regardless of the joker's intention, and if you need to talk about it or set a boundary, it shouldn't be frowned upon.

Taking a little time off can help us distinguish between an unfortunate joke and something more meaningful that truly requires attention and possibly a conversation.

I bet more than one reading this wondered whether they ever slid their truest desires into a joke… I know I did.

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  • 01
    130016 SHADOWS
    via OurWhisky Foundation

    Everybody after the joke.

    Representative only.

  • 02

    AIO My boyfriend said if it weren’t for me, he would have married his best friend

    So we were out at my friends and a few drinks down my boyfriend comes up to me and indicates that he would like to stir up some trouble. Before I could process anything he walks to the middle of the
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  • 03
    room starts grooving to the song playing and says loudly "This song reminds me of * insert best friend's name. If you were not in the picture, I would have ended up marrying her." Obviously on hearing this, I froze, was pretty upset but
    via just_cruisingthru
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    stayed for a minute. There was a palpable awkwardness in the air. So soon after I excused myself, called my boyfriend out when he tried to stop me and left alone. My boyfriend was initially
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  • 05
    miffed because he thought my reaction was uncalled for, since he indicated before hand that he wanted to prank fight. However I still think what he said could never be okay, despite what the scenario was.
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    Also I was wondering if it was the truth coming out in the guise of a prank or if he was just saying it for the sake of the prank. He later on did apologise and tried to assure me that there is nothing going on of that sort, and he had
    via just_cruisingthru
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    already told me that it was a prank, but I can't help but wonder if there is/was something there or even a thought in his head. I also cannot get over how he casually said that without a single consideration for how I would feel.
    via just_cruisingthru
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10677133824
    via OurWhisky Foundation

    The super funny joke at play.
    Stock photography for depiction only.

  • 09
    Currently I am not speaking to him, since I really wanted some space to clear my head out, lest I be very mean with him. Am I over reacting to this?
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    Healthy_Nectarine274 Is that a warning? A threat? Also men always say the most inappropriate thing then joke it off, hes gonna say it in the future again its your call
    via Healthy_Nectarine274
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    unzunzhepp How is doing this a prank? I don't understand. That was just saying something hurtful and starting toxic shit. Why do that? I wouldn't want to be with someone like your bf. Just why?
    via unzunzhepp
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    Cheezburger Image 10677134080
    via OurWhisky Foundation

    How everybody was feeling after the joke.

    Model portrayal.

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relationship advice relationships toxic relationship relationship drama
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